i didn’t really feel like typing out the whole title of the movie because it’s just so unnecessarily long — kind of like its entire plotline. i think many scenes should have remained on the cutting room floor. in fact, i think this movie should have remained a novel (a novel i’d never read, mind you, but at least a novel that wouldn’t waste people’s hard-earned money, as they think it would make a “great movie”).

basically, master and commander: the far side of the world is about boats. that’s right, boats. big ones, small ones, some as big as your head… here, one boat’s older, but the crew on it are strong; the other ship is newer, faster, but following the tyrant napolean’s orders. they all start speaking in british accents, even russell crowe, whom is nearly impossible to understand throughout the movie. some lame jokes ensue (e.g., “the lesser of two weevils”), some people get hurt, some people get their arm chopped off… oh, why don’t you feel for the lives of the seafaring men? won’t someone please think about the children? speaking of children, it was sort of unsettling to have such a broad age range among the men on the boat. i wonder if it was really like that during the age of boat wars.

i actually enjoyed the fighting scenes; they were pretty intense. the special effects were excellent without being too overwhelming. however, as a viewer, you’d think that after the climactic action scenes with the boats and the cannons and the hand-to-hand combat, that you’d get a taste of a real, honest-to-goodness purpose in this seeming waste of a film… but you don’t. what you do get is an action-packed vacuum sucking our attention into the black hole that is hollywood.