Intolerable Cruelty (2003)
the coen brothers wouldn’t happen to be conjoined twins who share the same humourless brain, would they?
Little Black Book (2004)
brittany murphy should just stick to singing carly simon covers.
Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984)
shudder.
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
unintentionally hilarious.
Australia (2008)
Can we throw any more cheese on the barbie?
Going the Distance (2004)
mindless malarkey and superfluous sex.
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
maybe i just don’t like boat movies. in any case, this movie stinks.
The Ladykillers (2004)
not doing much for the coen brothers’ rep.
The Sum of All Fears (2002)
ben affleck truly licks ass.
American Wedding (2003)
the missing actors narrowly thwarted career-suicide by passing on this film.
Blade Trinity (2004)
i vant to suck the money out of your pockets! bla, bla!
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
way to ruin my one of my favourite movies, ruiners!
Connie and Carla (2004)
what a drag!
Eagle Eye (2008)
Technological fluff
Hellboy (2004)
super-blah.
Hope Springs (2003)
Not very romantic or even likable.
Men in Black II (2002)
severely lacking the cool-factor of the first film.
My Father the Hero (1994)
gérard depar-poo.
Pearl Harbor (2001)
biased, pro-american drivel.
Secret Window (2004)
johnny is out of his depp with this movie. hyuk, get it?
Something’s Gotta Give (2003)
this movie should be rated “50”, because anyone under that age will most likely not enjoy it.
Starsky & Hutch (2004)
not very funny, like, at all.
The Big Lebowski (1998)
maybe i just didn’t get it.
A Fished Called Wanda (1988)
funny… for the eighties.
Along Came Polly (2004)
who sharted?
Coach Carter (2005)
smarter than your average sports film, but only slightly.
Goodfellas (1990)
same old gangster stuff, but worth a shot.
I, Robot (2004)
i miss the good old days, when actors acted with other actors… and not just blue screens.
Mona Lisa Smile (2003)
it moved me, alright — towards the pillow to catch some Zs.
Ocean’s Twelve (2004)
not as good as the first. the first remake, i mean.
Saved! (2004)
a weak attempt at religious satire.
Shark Tale (2004)
not as good as shrek, but still somewhat funny.
She’s the Man (2006)
A ballsy teen flick.
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones (2002)
george lucas, get off your million dollar toilet and write something good!
Stuck On You (2003)
let’s just say that i’m glad i’m not the conjoined twin of this film.
Taking Lives (2004)
a poor man’s se7en.
The Girl Next Door (2004)
a bad combination of irreverence and crap-ulence.
The Manchurian Candidate (2004)
a lot of people liked it, but i didn’t.
Underworld (2003)
leather jackets + greasy hair + cheesy movie rip-offs = crappity, crap, crap
When a Stranger Calls (2006)
A predictable scarefest.
Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)
The King of Potty Mouth strikes again
A Scanner Darkly (2006)
Not sure I fully “got” it, but still pretty good.
An Inconvenient Truth (2006)
Leaves you feeling inspired and not completely incapable of fixing a global problem
Elf (2003)
a good film for a general audience.
Emma (1996)
cute, clever, conventional.
Gothika (2003)
if you’ve seen the ring, you’ve seen gothika.
Hannibal (2001)
a good sequel to an excellent predecessor.
Kill Bill: Vols. 1 & 2 (2003-4)
not bad, but not worth the hype.
Meet the Fockers (2004)
s’alright.
Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)
johnny depp, he’s so hot right now. even without eyeballs.
The Break-Up (2006)
Tries to dig a bit deeper than the typical romantic comedy.
The Grudge (2004)
scary as heck, though lacking a good background story.
The United States of Leland (2003)
american beauty, jr.
The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
funny, but not that funny.
Tristan + Isolde (2006)
A love triangle of medieval proportions.
Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (2004)
a cute chick flick and, yeah… that’s pretty much it.
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Simultaneously deserving of a pat on the back and slap in the face.
Anchorman (2004)
averagely funny.
Big Fish (2003)
a unique film about a big fish in a small pond — not by national geographic.
Blindness (2008)
Opened my eyes to some interesting questions
Changeling (2008)
Inspires outrage at the common themes of discrimination and corruption
Click (2006)
Strange mish-mash of comedy and drama — and I like it.
Dodgeball (2004)
funny, but not memorable.
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
a well-made and compelling documentary.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
i think i’ve developed a new crush.
Hero (2002)
amazing fighting scenes, but little emotion.
Inventing the Abbotts (1997)
a good cast with a tired script.
Mansfield Park (1999)
a chick flick with a brain.
Matchstick Men (2003)
nicholas cage acts crazy once again.
Menace II Society (1993)
not a huge revelation.
Munich (2005)
It makes you think.
Mystic River (2003)
superb peformances.
National Treasure (2004)
a decent attempt at indiana jones.
Pirates of the Caribbean (2003)
family fun for everyone, except cynical schmucks like me.
Spider-Man 2 (2004)
action-packed and cheese-filled.
The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
intense action, flaccid story.
The Last Samurai (2003)
a history lesson, samurai style.
The Life of David Gale (2003)
great commentary, great kevin.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
legolas makes me look at the keebler elves in a new light. rawr!
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
fighting good, dragging-ending bad.
The Polar Express (2004)
it made me believe.
Troy (2004)
come for the action, stay for brad pitt’s ass.
Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)
Surprisingly entertaining.
X2 (2003)
seeing hugh jackman in a beater is reason enough to see this one.
21 Grams (2003)
suspenseful and mysterious, in a unique way.
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
one of leonardo’s better performances since… er, growing pains.
Cold Mountain (2003)
a great love story.
Collateral (2004)
was there a message? because i didn’t get it.
Confidence (2003)
hella good.
Garden State (2004)
beautiful in many aspects.
Girl with a Pearl Earring (2003)
definitely worth a viewing.
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
equipped with a smart social critique and still funny as heck!
Mean Girls (2004)
a flick for chicks and dicks.
My Life Without Me (2003)
two very tear-stained thumbs up.
Old School (2003)
better the second time ‘round.
Runaway Jury (2004)
chock full of suspense.
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
a funny and original comedy.
Shrek 2 (2004)
an ogre of a sequel — lameness intended.
Superman Returns (2006)
Superman has never looked this good.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)
Makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, and then other tingly feelings as Brad gets hotter
The Incredibles (2004)
a fun movie for adults and children alike.
The Joy Luck Club (1993)
very powerful.
The Rundown (2003)
duane johnson at his best — funny, burly, and fight-y.
The Terminal (2004)
a very sweet film.
W. (2008)
Lacks political punch, but full of character
About a Boy (2002)
british fops rule.
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Beautifully tragic (and tragically beautiful).
Cidade de Deus (2002)
a different kind of film, but nevertheless excellent.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
simply magical.
Swingers (1996)
this movie is so money.
The Phantom of the Opera (2004)
a visual and aural orgasm.
The X-Files: Fight the Future (1998)
television and film make a beautiful baby together.
What Lies Beneath (2000)
does for bathtubs what psycho did for showers.
½ star
1 star
1½ stars
2 stars
2½ stars
3 stars
3½ stars
4 stars